We have two children, 8 and 16. Our daughter (16) has been really difficult
because she refuses to understand that Steve simply cannot do all the things
he used to do. She complains about taking up the extra slack, housework,
yard work etc. And she constantly has to be reminded that what she has to do
is not nearly as painful as what her father is going through. Part of this
is due to the fact that Steve is one of those "stiff upper lip" kind of guys
who does not ever let on he's having a bad day or verbalize his problems.
He'll let it go for a while and then he blows up at her.
She's just being a self-centered teenager who is still learning how to be
human (don't you love adolescents?). He used to have patience with her, but
that is one of the things that goes out the window when you live with
constant discomfort.
Our son at 8, is much more flexible and understanding. He's not a teenager.
He only wants to help his father to the point that Steve has to tell him, "I
need to do this myself."
I, myself, have to keep reminding myself that I must adjust my thinking and
not be dissapointed when Steve doesn't feel up to a family gathering or a
social event, and to be patient when he just "isn't in the mood"... you know
what I mean.
This group is wonderful for keeping my perspective. I have shared your
letters with Steve and he is thankful for all the points of view expressed
here. Conflicting emotions are the norm when you are not feeling well.
I am taking up too much of your time...talk to you all soon.
Amy