[TMIC] stares and relationships
Robert and Marabeth (doubletrouble27(AT)hotmail.com)
Tue, 04 May 1999 17:27:17 PDT
Hello. I'm relatively new to the site....it's nice to have people to "talk"
to and who can relate to some of the things I'm going through!!!! Anyway, to
be brief, I was 7 years old when I was dignosed with TM. I was paralyzed
from the chest down for three months. I gradually regained movement and
strength after years and years of physio. I'm 28 now, and am left with a
noticeable limp, some muscle weakness, nerve damage, etc etc. I am by no
means complaining about my physical condition, I consider myself lucky
especially considering that the doctor's told me I'd never walk again. But
I'll be honest here, sometimes when walking through a mall or park or
anywhere else, the first thing people look at is my limp. Now I realize and
understand that most people do not mean to be rude, or may not even realize
they're looking. But to me, it's like a constant reminder that I'm
different. And maybe that's part of the problem right there, I've spent most
of my life trying to be "normal". I mean I usually don't let the staring get
to me, in fact most times I can just smile and continue on my way.....but
every once in a while I'll shoot the person/people a dirty look. When I was
in my teenage years I would sometimes let them get the best of me and I'd
make a comment or two. And at the time, it bothered me so much I'd avoid
walking in front of a group of girls. Which leads me to my next
problem.....dating/relationships. Most people don't even ask me why I walk
with a limp, and sometimes I wonder if it's something about my personality,
or if people just feel I'll tell them if I feel comfortable. I date now and
then (recently I've met a few people off the internet) and I'll tell them b4
we meet about my limp. I actually had one girl tell me after our date that
she was very active and that she didn't think I could "keep up with her".
She also said that I downplayed my limp (that really made me mad)....the
thing is I knew 5 minutes into the date exactly what she was thinking and in
hindsight I should have just got up and left. Anyway, what I'm getting at
here, and I apologize for rambling on, is that my confidence is just shot! I
know for a fact that many women wouldn't even give me the time of day
because of my limp. People talk to me differently, and treat me differently
at times. I keep saying to myself that it's their problem, they are the
shallow ones, I don't need or want anyone like that. But it's not something
you can continously brush off, or I can't anyway. It eats away at me.
Ok I'm going to end this here b/c I've rambled on and I don't even know if
any of this makes sense : ) I guess I have alot of things to say, but no one
with an understanding ear.
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