Well, it's 2:45am. I've been tossing and turning for about 2 hrs. I'm
having terrible spasms...much worse than usual. I took extra doses of
Baclofen and Neurontin, and it's easing up a little. I guess I'm writing
because I'm a little scared. Bob doesn't want to hear it, cause he can't
"fix" it. He does pretty well, as long as I stay upbeat. Not bad for a
"Prince" who said at my care conference, "I'm clinically depressed, and
totally overwhelmed by Barb's condition. I don't know if I'm going to be able
to handle this." That's probably why they kept me as a prisoner at an
extended care facility for 5 more weeks. I was really starting to lose it
there. I'll never go back to a place like that.
Does anybody else get the "Whim -whams"? This is a little different than my
usual attacks. If something is really bothering me...consciously, or
unconsciously, I tend to sit bolt upright in bed with this feeling of doom
hanging over me...3:00 to 4:00 am. is the usual time frame. It's that sick
feeling that things are totally wrong, and will never be right again. In the
morning it's gone. Life is still all screwed up, but the day starts, and I
can distract myself.
On a slightly lighter note...Gunny, I'm glad you're making such good progress.
And I'm glad to see your name on some postings again. Mandy, hang in there.
This crummy disease does screw up relationships. I've been remembering
something a therapist told me, "You can't change anyone else...you can only
change how you react to them." That's unfortunate sometimes, but it's
certainly true.
Well, I feel a little better. Guess I'll give the sleep thing another shot.
Thanks for listening. Nite.
Barb J.