my life had been a whirlwind ever since graduation - may '98 - and i guess
even before then. i started a new job the day after graduation. i work with
pregnant/parenting teenagers and their families. our mission is to prevent
child abuse and keep the family intact. it's a small facility with
good-hearted co-workers and a great boss. it has been a great first job
because it is teaching me multitudes.
my life was beginning to take some form of normalcy - working, paying
bills, starting a career, and planning to buy a house in the next year or
so. i had actually returned to playing soccer - something that i have done
for most of my life and thoroughly enjoyed.
my life changed. on july 26, 1998 i was playing co-ed league soccer when i
collided with another player. i have been paralyzed from the waist down
ever since. i was diagnosed with a "contused spinal cord," which has some
possibility for recovery, but the doctors cannot predict how much i will
recover or when. the only ballpark figure anyone has given me has been 6
months to 2 years. and there's no guarantees of what kind of recovery i
will have. i spent almost a month in a rehab center, and was sent home by
insurance because i had "plateaued."
i then received home health physical therapy. i did this for 3 months until
i became "mobile" again. i can now drive (with hand controls) and
load/unload my wheelchair. i returned to work in november part-time and
continue to go to physical therapy 3x's a week.
through all of this i am very fortunate for a number of reasons. first, i
had insurance, even if it was by the skin of my teeth. my college medical
insurance was effective until 8/01/98 and was minimal, but at least i had
it. my work medical insurance became effective 7/26/98 - the day of my
accident. i know someone was watching out for me because i would not have
been able to handle the mental aspects of both my injury and the finances
of covering the expenses of my injury (not to mention upcoming student loan
payments). i did have to request that my employer call the insurance
company because they initially told me that my insurance would not be
effective until 8/01/98 and would not cover my spinal cord injury (because
it would have been pre-existing). looking back, had i not gone in for
training that week before graduation, i might not have any insurance to
cover the monumental medical bills. i feel i am also very fortunate because
my employer held my job while i was out for 4 months. i was told an
employer is legally required to hold one's job for 6 months according to
the family leave act, but in this day and age many employers will not do so
because they know an employee must hire a lawyer in order to fight it. this
was also one less stressor that i had to worry about on a constant basis.
another blessing to me was vocational rehabilitation, a state program that
assists the disabled in returning to work. they have been a tremendous
source of support both financially and mentally. they have actually picked
up where my insurance company has denied certain equipment - like my hand
controls in my car, and believe it or not, my wheelchair. the insurance
company seems to believe that i can be mobile with a walker with a seat. i
am now walking about 40 feet with a walker, however, it takes me 20 minutes
to do so. i guess their philosophy is if i can walk at all, then i can walk
everywhere. granted, it might take me 30 minutes to get to the bathroom
from my office at work, but i could get there, right? so, voc. rehab. has
been another god-send.
i have also been fortunate to have tremendous family/friend support. my
injury has really opened doors to a few of my family and friends'
relationships, and closed on others. my brother and i have re-connected
through all of this, which is a really good feeling. i have missed him, and
didn't really know how much until now. my two best friends (both with
families of their own) have become family. i lived with both of them at
various times, and i am not an easy person to live with. just ask my
parents. i lived with them for a short period after getting out of the
hospital. i think it was difficult for them to see me in a wheelchair on a
daily basis. my friends and their families were somehow able to look past
the chair. i was treated "normally." i must admit, now that i am in my own
apartment again, my parents have been dealing with my injury much better.
in fact, they both want to go with me to my neurologist's appointment at
the end of this month. this is improvement as it was sometimes difficult
for them to visit me in rehab. i know it has not been easy on anyone, and
they have all shown me support in various ways that i could have never
dreamed of having.
and as i continue to gradually get better (even if it is harrowing slow), i
am all so thankful for my growing independence. in rehab, my first real
breakthrough was attending the ladies room unassisted. i began to not feel
like a dependent child anymore. i knew there was hope ahead. i can remember
the first time i was left home alone for the first time since my injury - i
felt like a teenager again, contemplating whether to play it safe or to be
adventurous and risk possible trouble. and driving for the first time in 4
months was better than i remember it at 16! to be going 30 mph on back
roads with the windows down (no music blaring as i was trying to focus on
using the hand controls) and to have car keys in my pocket again was a real
rush for me. you do not realize how precious independence is until you lose it.
and now i have my own apartment to retreat to once again. i have always
cherished my solitude and knew once i achieved my own residence again, i
would be well on my way to recovery. my cat, apollo, was also a strong
motivator for me. he is like my child. i know without a doubt that no one
can take care of him or love him like i do. my brother was nice enough to
provide a foster home for apollo, but i know apollo was not happy as a
foster kitty (and did he ever show it!). having apollo and my own apartment
again has fortified my independence. there is no one in the next room to
depend upon. apollo depends upon me and i depend upon myself now. it is a
great feeling!
my neurologist has diagnosed me with transverse myelitis (12/98). i may
never know what caused it, but for the most part, it doesn't matter. i have
to focus on the present and persist on. (i can say this on good days -
sounds good, huh?)
so the story of my life continues on: "you never know what tomorrow holds."
i think etty hillesum (concentration camp prisoner) would have agreed.
please take care of yourself and be well.
carri