Jane
>>> "CarriR" <leokitty(AT)worldnet.att.net> 02/16 4:47 PM >>>
Today was not a good day. I tried to be brave, face new challenges, but I was left feeling scared and helpless.
I went to work today (I work with pregnant/parenting teenagers - case management and parenting classes) and prepared myself to take a client and her 1 yr old to an appointment. This was a new challenge as I have not done this since my injury. The appointment was not planned, but was definitely necessary.
When I first went back to work part-time, I was told it would be best to start off in the office. I did not argue with this because I had just received my hand controls the week before and did not drive with anyone in my car, except my driving instructor for 1 hr. Anyways, I have come to be very comfortable with the hand controls and feel as if I can drive pretty much like anyone else.
However, I was a little nervous about driving a client with her infant ( as they can cause quite a distraction in the back seat, usually by crying) 20 miles one way to an appointment. I decided I needed to be brave and "just do it." Everything was fine until the baby decided to climb out of his car seat. He had never done this before and was probably just waiting for me, right? So I pulled into a parking lot off of a major highway. The mom was able to get the baby strapped back in, and I began to drive
through the parking lot to get back on the highway. We were only 2 minutes from our destination. The next thing I know we are stopped behind 2 vehicles, one going my direction, the other going the opposite. I tried to wait patiently as I thought they were just talking with each other. Then, one man got out of the car and visibly had a bag of "white stuff" in it. Then a guy got out of the truck and flashed a handful of money. My first thought was "Get the h--- out of here." I went to back up and of course
there was a car behind me. The parking lot was somewhat narrow. I was looking for a way out when my client pointed at the man with the bag and shouted, "He's got a gun!" My heart just about jumped out of my chest. The gun was inside the waistline of the guy's jeans and was visible when he turned to face us. I did manage to get us out safely, but felt very vulnerable and insecure in protecting my client and her baby because with the hand controls I had to slowly do a 3 point turn (those of you who have hand
controls know just how slow this can be). I keep on thinking that if my legs were working I could have gotten us out of there a lot quicker!
I know at least one guy, a passenger in the truck, got a good look at us because when my client pointed at the guy with the gun, the passenger was laughing back at us. I can still see his smile. I know it is silly to be paranoid, especially since they were callous enough to do the "transaction" in broad daylight and only 2 blocks away from the sheriff's office. If they were really threatened by us they would have done something about it.
I did drive to the sheriff's office just to be on the safe side (and probably paranoid too), but there was no sign of anyone following us. I tried to keep a brave front up for my client and the baby. We went to the appointment and then I took her and her baby back home. On the way, I asked her if she was OK. She just said that those people were stupid and she hates stupid people. I have to agree with her.
Before leaving my office to take the teen to her appointment, my greatest fear was not being able to be responsible enough or able to protect my client or her baby. I had fears of the baby running out in the parking lot and not being able to grab him/her, ect. Well, it came true in a way that I never imagined. After I took the client and baby home, I cried all the way to PT hating being trapped in a body that doesn't work right. Even more, I hate not feeling safe or being able to protect those that I am in
charge of. I had not realized my own vulnerability until this afternoon and I absolutely abhor it!
How am I to do my job whenever I cannot assure my own safety? How am I to protect my teens and babies? Does anyone else feel scared of what lurks out there?
Carri who is very content to be home right now.