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Today was not a good day. I tried to be brave, face new challenges, but =
I was left feeling scared and helpless.=20
I went to work today (I work with pregnant/parenting teenagers - case =
management and parenting classes) and prepared myself to take a client =
and her 1 yr old to an appointment. This was a new challenge as I have =
not done this since my injury. The appointment was not planned, but was =
definitely necessary.=20
When I first went back to work part-time, I was told it would be best to =
start off in the office. I did not argue with this because I had just =
received my hand controls the week before and did not drive with anyone =
in my car, except my driving instructor for 1 hr. Anyways, I have come =
to be very comfortable with the hand controls and feel as if I can drive =
pretty much like anyone else.=20
However, I was a little nervous about driving a client with her infant ( =
as they can cause quite a distraction in the back seat, usually by =
crying) 20 miles one way to an appointment. I decided I needed to be =
brave and "just do it." Everything was fine until the baby decided to =
climb out of his car seat. He had never done this before and was =
probably just waiting for me, right? So I pulled into a parking lot off =
of a major highway. The mom was able to get the baby strapped back in, =
and I began to drive through the parking lot to get back on the highway. =
We were only 2 minutes from our destination. The next thing I know we =
are stopped behind 2 vehicles, one going my direction, the other going =
the opposite. I tried to wait patiently as I thought they were just =
talking with each other. Then, one man got out of the car and visibly =
had a bag of "white stuff" in it. Then a guy got out of the truck and =
flashed a handful of money. My first thought was "Get the h--- out of =
here." I went to back up and of course there was a car behind me. The =
parking lot was somewhat narrow. I was looking for a way out when my =
client pointed at the man with the bag and shouted, "He's got a gun!" My =
heart just about jumped out of my chest. The gun was inside the =
waistline of the guy's jeans and was visible when he turned to face us. =
I did manage to get us out safely, but felt very vulnerable and insecure =
in protecting my client and her baby because with the hand controls I =
had to slowly do a 3 point turn (those of you who have hand controls =
know just how slow this can be). I keep on thinking that if my legs were =
working I could have gotten us out of there a lot quicker!=20
I know at least one guy, a passenger in the truck, got a good look at us =
because when my client pointed at the guy with the gun, the passenger =
was laughing back at us. I can still see his smile. I know it is silly =
to be paranoid, especially since they were callous enough to do the =
"transaction" in broad daylight and only 2 blocks away from the =
sheriff's office. If they were really threatened by us they would have =
done something about it.=20
I did drive to the sheriff's office just to be on the safe side (and =
probably paranoid too), but there was no sign of anyone following us. I =
tried to keep a brave front up for my client and the baby. We went to =
the appointment and then I took her and her baby back home. On the way, =
I asked her if she was OK. She just said that those people were stupid =
and she hates stupid people. I have to agree with her.=20
Before leaving my office to take the teen to her appointment, my =
greatest fear was not being able to be responsible enough or able to =
protect my client or her baby. I had fears of the baby running out in =
the parking lot and not being able to grab him/her, ect. Well, it came =
true in a way that I never imagined. After I took the client and baby =
home, I cried all the way to PT hating being trapped in a body that =
doesn't work right. Even more, I hate not feeling safe or being able to =
protect those that I am in charge of. I had not realized my own =
vulnerability until this afternoon and I absolutely abhor it!=20
How am I to do my job whenever I cannot assure my own safety? How am I =
to protect my teens and babies? Does anyone else feel scared of what =
lurks out there?=20
Carri who is very content to be home right now.
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Today was not a good day. I tried to be brave, face new challenges, = but I was=20 left feeling scared and helpless.
I went to work today (I work with pregnant/parenting teenagers - case = management and parenting classes) and prepared myself to take a client = and her 1=20 yr old to an appointment. This was a new challenge as I have not done = this since=20 my injury. The appointment was not planned, but was definitely = necessary.
When I first went back to work part-time, I was told it would be best = to=20 start off in the office. I did not argue with this because I had just = received=20 my hand controls the week before and did not drive with anyone in my = car, except=20 my driving instructor for 1 hr. Anyways, I have come to be very = comfortable with=20 the hand controls and feel as if I can drive pretty much like anyone = else.
However, I was a little nervous about driving a client with her = infant ( as=20 they can cause quite a distraction in the back seat, usually by crying) = 20 miles=20 one way to an appointment. I decided I needed to be brave and "just = do=20 it." Everything was fine until the baby decided to climb out of his = car=20 seat. He had never done this before and was probably just waiting for = me, right?=20 So I pulled into a parking lot off of a major highway. The mom was able = to get=20 the baby strapped back in, and I began to drive through the parking lot = to get=20 back on the highway. We were only 2 minutes from our destination. The = next thing=20 I know we are stopped behind 2 vehicles, one going my direction, the = other going=20 the opposite. I tried to wait patiently as I thought they were just = talking with=20 each other. Then, one man got out of the car and visibly had a bag of=20 "white stuff" in it. Then a guy got out of the truck and = flashed a=20 handful of money. My first thought was "Get the h--- out of = here." I=20 went to back up and of course there was a car behind me. The parking lot = was=20 somewhat narrow. I was looking for a way out when my client pointed at = the man=20 with the bag and shouted, "He's got a gun!" My heart just = about jumped=20 out of my chest. The gun was inside the waistline of the guy's jeans and = was=20 visible when he turned to face us. I did manage to get us out safely, = but felt=20 very vulnerable and insecure in protecting my client and her baby = because with=20 the hand controls I had to slowly do a 3 point turn (those of you who = have hand=20 controls know just how slow this can be). I keep on thinking that if my = legs=20 were working I could have gotten us out of there a lot quicker!
I know at least one guy, a passenger in the truck, got a good look at = us=20 because when my client pointed at the guy with the gun, the passenger = was=20 laughing back at us. I can still see his smile. I know it is silly to be = paranoid, especially since they were callous enough to do the=20 "transaction" in broad daylight and only 2 blocks away from = the=20 sheriff's office. If they were really threatened by us they would have = done=20 something about it.
I did drive to the sheriff's office just to be on the safe side (and = probably=20 paranoid too), but there was no sign of anyone following us. I tried to = keep a=20 brave front up for my client and the baby. We went to the appointment = and then I=20 took her and her baby back home. On the way, I asked her if she was OK. = She just=20 said that those people were stupid and she hates stupid people. I have = to agree=20 with her.
Before leaving my office to take the teen to her appointment, my = greatest=20 fear was not being able to be responsible enough or able to protect my = client or=20 her baby. I had fears of the baby running out in the parking lot and not = being=20 able to grab him/her, ect. Well, it came true in a way that I never = imagined.=20 After I took the client and baby home, I cried all the way to PT hating = being=20 trapped in a body that doesn't work right. Even more, I hate not feeling = safe or=20 being able to protect those that I am in charge of. I had not realized = my own=20 vulnerability until this afternoon and I absolutely abhor it!
How am I to do my job whenever I cannot assure my own safety? How am = I to=20 protect my teens and babies? Does anyone else feel scared of what lurks = out=20 there?
Carri who is very content to be home right=20 now.