Congratulations on your progress!!
You have brought up a topic that I don't know if I have ever seen discussed in
the two years I've been on the TMIC list. I did experience that also -- great
nervousness about going out in public, etc. I think there are many reasons for
this. In your home you have adapted to a familiar and "safe" setting and
routine, and even though you have come a long way in your mobility, getting
back out into different situations with a body you may not feel you can always
trust or, as you so well put it, is acting according to different rules is
bound to make you nervous or a little fearful.
Sometimes the stimuli can be overwhelming. I remember once being at a Chick-
Fil-A restaurant with my family (do you have those in England? WONDERFUL
chicken sandwiches!) Chick-Fil-A is not usually loud -- just normal fast-food
restaurant noises, people talking, soft background music. But I suddenly felt
overwhelmed; I felt I was just about to lose it. I don't know what I thought
would happen -- I'm not a yelling, screaming person (most of the time :-))
Fortunately the moment passed. But there have been times, like at a family
reunion, when I just had to get away by myself for a while. The only reason I
could think of for this was that our minds can only handle so much at once:
for instance, when I am in the car about to pull onto a busy street, I have to
ask my children to be quiet til I get out there: my brain can't take in their
conversation and the task at hand at the same time. I think a similar thing
may occur when we are out and in new situations: even though we can get around
okay and may not even be consciously thinking about it, I think a part of our
minds are still concentrating on how we are going to maneuver and do what we
need to do, so sometimes the other stimuli gets distracting and overwhelming.
It may be, too, that our confidence is shaken somewhat. We all know that we
are not guaranteed a trouble-free life, but when something traumatic does
occur, it shakes us up for a while.
I think for me, since the drs. did not find a specific lesion, but made a TM
diagnosis based on the symptoms after running tests to rule out other
problems, for a long time there was a fear that maybe they missed something,
and that in turn led to a fear that maybe this could happen again. That fear
was intensified when I went out. But then I realized that if anything did
happen again, it might be a good thing to be out in public -- I could ask for
assistance immediately and have someone call 911 (our emergency phone number
here in the states). That relieved one fear but led to another -- for a long
time then I was afraid of being alone, afraid something would happen and I
wouldn't be able to get help. :(
I sound like something of a basket case, don't I? :) Finally I came to the
conclusion that, as a Christian, if God was going to allow something like this
to happen to me again, He would be with me and help me just like He did the
first time around. Worrying about it would definitely not help and would even
make things worse. Many verses helped me, but one of my favorites was Isaiah
41:10: Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God: I
will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the
right hand of my righteousness.
The best thing to do is just go on ahead out there, giving yourself time to
get used to it again. As Jan said, driving somewhere where there is not much
traffic, or going to a shopping center at a time when it is not too busy to
walk around, etc., will help you gain confidence to get back in the swing of
things. It takes time, but you do get back to normal -- or a new level of
"normal" in that regard. I do still have those nervous feelings from time to
time, but not nearly so often or as intensely. When you do go back to work, it
might be good to go lightly with everything else -- plan just light, easy
meals, don't worry about the housework, etc., until you have had a chance to
get used to it again.
Best wishes,
Barbara H.
In a message dated 2/10/99 9:41:22 AM EST, hawkinsfamily(AT)clara.co.uk writes:
> Hi everyone,
> I am just reaching the 6 month point since the start of my myelitis.
> Physically, I have made great progress. I no longer use a cane at home and
> can walk a fair way with one (and at quite a speed!). I have no pain and
> take no medication. However, I seem to have lost confidence in my ability
> to cope with everyday things outside the home. I am very nervous about
> returning to work , am frightened to drive and still do not like going out
> on my own very much. After 6 months, there no longer seems to be any
excuse
> for all this. I am not exactly depressed, but am worried that it will turn
> into depression if I don't start getting out there and living life to the
> full again. I suppose it's learning to live it by slightly different rules
> that is the problem.
>
> If anybody has some words of encouragement to get me out of this rut, I
will
> be pleased to read them.
> Angela from England
>