Update

Gail Lara (gail(AT)loop.com)
Sun, 31 Jan 1999 13:45:32 -0800

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Hi everyone,
I haven't written in a little while because I was out of town on business.
 
The other night, I finally told my Mom how I made contact with this group and have been talking to people, and getting all sorts of wonderful advice. I put off telling her because I knew she wouldn't be too happy. She didn't like it and was mainly concerned that I was using her name in my letters. I know better, and as you all know haven't done such a thing. She would not like that at all. She let me share with her some of the things you all said, but she still feels hopeless, and insists that she will never get better. I must say her interest seemed a little peaked, but not enough to get on the PC and contact you all herself.
 
The next night, my little sister called me crying saying how horrible it is to live with her and hear her say all these awful things about dying. My mom just watches TV all day long and gets really mad at what's going on in the news and lets all that get to her as well. So everything she says is negative.
 
I've been sharing all of your letters with my father. He called my mothers neurologist, since that is the one doctor she seems the most comfortable with. My Dad told him the state that my mom is in. The doctor called my mom later that night and spoke with her for about 20 minutes telling her that he wants her to come in so they can try to evaluate another type of treatment. He also suggested her seeing a therapist. She was pretty caught off guard, and apparently kept apologizing to him that we all wasted his time and had him call. They didn't set up a time. She then got in a fight with my Dad and was really mad at me. I just now talked to her and she told me to stop bothering my Dad because he has enough pressure and to basically butt out and leave her alone, since she doesn't tell me what to do. She says she is not going to see a therapist, and found it really embarrassing that we had the doctor call her.
 
I have this Wednesday off, and am suppose to spend the day with her. I talk to my mom at a minimum of twice a day sometimes five times a day. I do this a lot to remain close and to stay involved in her life and share mine with hers. 
 
I am so hurt right now. 
 
What type of tough action would be safe?
 
Should I back off from her for a while. We've been so close since the day I was born. I'm wondering if her first born suddenly started distancing herself from her after 29 years if this would be a type of message. Yet, I don't know if that is a worse thing to do. It wouldn't be easy for me either, I am so close to her.
 
Or do I go there on Wednesday and fight with her?
 
Any advice?
 
Gail