Another Giggle.

Joe & Marion De Sisto (grappi(AT)email.msn.com)
Sun, 10 Jan 1999 15:32:04 -0000

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Being a spiritual lass, this one cracks me up.  Hope it gives each of you a giggle, too.  Maz.
 
Swami Beyondanada's Guidelines for Enlightenment:
 
1. Be a Fundamentalist, but make sure the Fun always comes before
    the mental.  Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never
    be canceled.  A laugh track has been provided, and the reason
    why we are put in the material world is to get more material.
    Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regular
    hilarity.
 
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for
    entering. So you are already a winner!
 
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tel-A-Vision.
    That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me.
    That way, if we do not like the programming we are getting, we
    can change the channel.
 
4. Life is like photography.  You use the negative to develop.  And
    no matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course G--
    loves you. He is just not ready to make a commitment.
 
5. It is true.  As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,
    thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a  
    condition called truth decay.  So be sure to use mental floss twice a
    day.  And when you are tempted to practice tantrum yoga,
    remember what we teach in the Swami's Absurdiveness Training
    class: "Do not get even, get odd."
    
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and
    truly live like nomads.  That is where I no mad at you, you no
    mad at me.  That way, there will surely be nomadness on the 
    planet.  And peace begins with each of us.  A little peace here, a
    little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to
    make one big peace everywhere.
    
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future,
    so, if you are looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple.
    When you find a fault, just do not dwell on it.
 
8. There is no need to change the world.  All we have to do is toilet
    train the world, and we will never have to change it again.
 
9. If you are looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some
    bad news and some good news.  The bad news is there is no key to 
    the Universe.  The good news is, it has been left unlocked.
   
10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled.  That way, if you
      do not like it, it is not my fault.  And remember, enlightenment is
      not a bureaucracy.  So you do not have to go through channels.
  
 1997 by Steve Bhaerman.  All right reserved.