CHRISTMAS SIGNS:
-From a toy store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."
-In a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
-From a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd."
-In a Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000.
Three for $200,000.
-A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
-In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything --
a calendar to remind him when payments are due."
* * * * *
In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed
great
skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature
bothered
me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable
to
come up with a reason or explanation, I asked a lady standing near
me
about the helmets.
She said in her deep Southern accent, "You Yankees never do read the
Bible!"
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about
firemen in the Bible.
She pulled her Bible from a bag over her shoulder and ruffled
through
some pages, finally jabbing her finger at a passage.
Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, ...'The
three
wise man came from afar.'"
* * * * *
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana
in
his right ear.
"What's the matter with me, Doc?" he asks the practitioner.
The doctor replies, "I don't think you're eating properly."
* * * * *