Doctor's Notes
Health: The slowest possible way to die.
~~~ I'm surprised they could read their writing! ~~~
Doctors may not say exactly what they mean...
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by
physicians. They were reprinted in a column written by Dr. Richard Lederer
for the Journal of Court Reporting.
* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling better.
* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
completely disappeared.
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
* Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need
disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
* The patient refused an autopsy.
* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions
in early December.
* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original
complaints.