Making sure that your wife gets rest when she needs it is important - good
job. Also - you will be one of the few people in her life that really gets
whats going on. One of the hardest things is when someone pushes you to do
"just a little more". As in, walk a little farther, stand a little longer,
etc. My guy has been great about not doing that, and can read me pretty
well in terms of exhaustion. One of the great things he does is keep me
laughing about the condition.
Be honest with your wife and with yourself about your own exhaustion level.
If you can work together to figure out alternative ways of accomplishig
things, she will feel less guilty and more involved. This is a tough row to
how, and can be a real test of a marriage. Hang in there and keep on
writing to us......Ann
> ----------
> From: Silvercaul(AT)aol.com[SMTP:Silvercaul(AT)aol.com]
> Sent: Friday, November 13, 1998 8:45 PM
> To: tmic-list(AT)eskimo.com
> Subject: re: family support
>
> My wife, Bonnie, just started writing to the group this week and has been
> really invigorated by it. I am writing to see if people with TM have
> advice
> for family members on the kinds of support that they most appreciate and
> need.
> Also from other husbands, wives, parents, etc. on their experiences living
> with someone with TM. Is there a support system for people providing
> support?
>
> My wife first felt symptoms -- numbness, tingling, bands of pain, all
> from
> the waist down --- on Memorial Day weekend of this year and was diagnosed
> about a week later. Based on our research and our reading of your
> postings, I
> think she is one of the lucky ones. She is back at work teaching in a
> high
> school and generally moves quite well. I think her biggest and most
> persistent
> physical symptom is extreme fatigue ( on top of the expected fatigue of a
> job, 2 little kids who don't always sleep through the night and a new
> house!)
> So that's where I try to help the most -- making sure she gets her sleep
> --
> but I'm starting to wear down now.
>
> My attitude, until recently, was that Bonnie needed a lot of help --
> someone
> to pick up the slack -- for the first year and that then her fatigue and
> other
> symptoms would abate significantly and we'd be able to return to our
> "normal"
> life. Now, especially after reading some of your stories, I'm starting
> to
> doubt that scenario and starting to realize that these changes might be
> permanent. Athough I realize that what I'm experiencing is trivial
> compared
> to what she has gone through, it still is something.
>
> Other issues that I'd like to raise are my wife's guilt feelings over not
> doing more around the house and with the kids; her frustration that most
> people around her (including me at times?) don't appreciate or acknowledge
> her
> condition because it's not so visible anymore and she has recovered quite
> a
> bit; and our uncertainty about the future because no one can predict how
> her
> recovery will go.
>
> Thanks for listening.
>
> Gary
>
>
>