> This year it was all I could do to
> scribble plans in my plan book and the paper work, meetings, planning and
> conferences were overwhelming due to the fatigue. Bladder and bowel
problems
> have been very distracting- You can't just leave the kids to "go."
> Co-workers are noticing that the great Idea person doesn't seem to have
> quite
> so many exciting ideas much, and puzzle me with comments:" You look just
> fine-
> are you sure you aren't just reacting to stress?"or look as if I'm making
> excuses if I don't join them in after school fun.( I'm so tired I get
scared
> I
> can't drive safely and need to go home & sleep an hour so I can do plans or
> relate a bit with my family before bed)
> I do need to work all this out because this past year teaching took all my
> strength. I absolutely LOVE being there with the kids and they loved the
> school year and will be looping up to the next grade with me this fall. I'm
> just scared my "incompetence" is showing and I'm a bit self conscious about
> this whole thing. Thanks for making me smile with your comments, though!!!
>
Hello, all -- just got back from a 10-day vacation and am enjoying catching up
on my mail. I read with interest the "competency" thread and wanted to throw
in my 2-cents worth (as someone said recently, "Throw in your 2 cents and
we'll see if it's worth that much." :-))
I think one of the things those of us who look and function fairly normally
have to struggle with is just that -- since we "look normal" and "get around
okay," people don't seem to understand that there are still problems. Don't
get me wrong -- I'm glad I can get around okay and don't need a wheelchair or
whatever, so I'm certainly not complaining. But people don't seem to
understand that there are residual problems with TM that don't show. When
people ask, "How are you doing?" it is hard to respond with anything other
than "About the same," because often they really don't want the whole list,
and I'm afraid they are going to think I'm just a hypochondriac. Of course,
there are those true-blue friends who really do mean it when they ask how you
are. But I think it is important not to "fake" anything. I think one person
suggested sitting down with co-workers and explaining the situation to them. I
think that's a great idea. You could also, as individual situations come up,
say things like, "I'm sorry, since this transverse myelitis I just can't take
on as much as I used to," or whatever. I think it does help to inform people
along the way, both for yourself and your situation, but also for that person
-- he or she will likely come across others with illnesses in the furture, and
it will help him/her understand.
I think it also helps to pare down. I have been home-teaching for the past
four years as well as working in a children's ministry at church and helping
with monthly meetings for our home school support group and various and sundry
other little activities here and there. I determined this last year that if I
were to continue to home-teach, I was going to have to cut out some, probably
most of the other activities. I enjoyed most of the other activities, but
something was always getting the short end of the stick and I was often
emotionally stressed out.
I like what Joellen said, that you are not incompetent, you just have a
medical situation that complicates life, and also that friends and co-workers
may have suggestions or offers of help. I also like what Ann said, that we're
not incompetent, just different.
Karen, I'd suggest talking with your school principal and explaining the
situation. Maybe something could be worked out - a team-teaching situation,
maybe? I hope you can continue teaching in some capacity -- good teachers who
love what they do are of great value!!
David, please don't feel you need to "fake it." That just adds that stress to
the things you already have to deal with. The pain, catheterisations, etc.,
all take real time plus emotional energy. There is only so much time and
energy to go around. I don't have any quick-fix answers, but I'm afraid if you
keep going like you are it will only get worse. I know you don't want to "lose
face," and you may fear being thought a hypochondriac or incompetent or even
losing a job or promotions. Yet I feel you really do need to level with your
colleagues or this thing will just snowball.
To add another related 2 cents worth, though, don't be afraid of new
challenges (as I sometimes am.) Two things I thought I would NEVER do were
singing a solo and standing in front of adults in a speaking/teaching
capacity, yet I have done both since TM. It isn't easy and I don't think I
could do it regularly, and I usually at some point in the preparation say to
myself, "How did I get into this! I'll never do this again!!" But most of the
stress is in the preparation stages -- once I get started actually doing it,
things go ok. A lot of that I attribute to prayer and committing the whole
thing to God (Philippians 4:6-7 gets me through a lot of anxious situations.)
Oddly, though, my legs are much stiffer after I sing than before, when I'm
feeling more nervous.
Well, I've rambled on long enough. Hope it has been of some help. :)
Barbara H.