I've had TM since 2/97 and have to deal with the same feelings that you have every single day. If you are like me, you don't want pity for not being
able to "do it all." But there are times that we may look OK to most people, but the body and mind just aren't cooperating.
It appears that you really love working with kids and teaching. This is a definite plus. I find that my love of my job has pulled me through some
really rough times. I'm sure that you find that doing something you really love, like working with kids, has also helped you through this.
TM has really shown me that life is a roller coaster. We have some wonderful highs and really bad lows. But, if we keep "plugging" along, we are
bound to move out of that low to another high. The most important thing is to not give up. The kids will really benefit by having you as a role
model. And I think that adults can learn a lot from your situation as well.
Remember that you have all of our support to get through this.
Mushroo909(AT)aol.com wrote:
> Dear Alton, who can't water ski TODAY,
>
> Thank-you for your kind response!
> Let me re-phrase my statement: "I wonder HOW I'm going to teach another school
> year."
> I didn't mean whether I'll teach because I am determined to do so- its my life
> and my favorite thing to do.
> HOWEVER-
> This past year, I have felt I have been "faking" competence! I am usually very
> upbeat & enthusiastic. I usually do special projects and have won two awards-
> The state Governor's award for teaching of Economics where I invented a toy
> and had first graders produce and sell it and use the profits for bi-lingual
> books for the local pediatrics unit of the hospital and the Disney's
> Teacheriffic Award for a "Flying Carpet Beanbag company. In 4 weeks we
> profitted enough to sponser eight foster children for Christmas gifts. It is
> the reason I own a computer, because I was awarded cash for my personal use
> and my school received moneys as well. This year it was all I could do to
> scribble plans in my plan book and the paper work, meetings, planning and
> conferences were overwhelming due to the fatigue. Bladder and bowel problems
> have been very distracting- You can't just leave the kids to "go."
> Co-workers are noticing that the great Idea person doesn't seem to have quite
> so many exciting ideas much, and puzzle me with comments:" You look just fine-
> are you sure you aren't just reacting to stress?"or look as if I'm making
> excuses if I don't join them in after school fun.( I'm so tired I get scared I
> can't drive safely and need to go home & sleep an hour so I can do plans or
> relate a bit with my family before bed)
> I do need to work all this out because this past year teaching took all my
> strength. I absolutely LOVE being there with the kids and they loved the
> school year and will be looping up to the next grade with me this fall. I'm
> just scared my "incompetence" is showing and I'm a bit self conscious about
> this whole thing. Thanks for making me smile with your comments, though!!!