Re: Am I Competent???
Jo Ellen Finkelstein (ghellen(AT)ninenet.com)
Sat, 04 Jul 1998 19:48:46 -0500
David Gibson wrote:
>
> Dear Mushroo,
>
> I too am a teacher and researcher. Prior to tm I was considered by my peers
> as good in both. I really enjoyed interacting with students at both levels
> and considered myself fortunate that I could continue to work and support
> my family. Since returning to work I find that I cannot concentrate. The
> constant pain, planning catheterisation times and fatigue make it
> impossible to perform at my pre tm level. the worst thing is my memory
> which seems to be nonexistent. I have tremendous difficulty getting words
> from my brain to my mouth and every lecture is an ordeal. I cannot explain
> this to my colleagues and I stopped complaining about pain and fatigue a
> long time ago. As a result, my workload is the same as it was pre tm and I
> just cannot manage it. I too feel like I am faking. I avoid situations
> where I may be found out and fall further and further behind each week.
> Next October there is a keynote talk that I cannot avoid and I am already
> having anxiety attacks. I do not know the root cause of the problem. I
> think I could manage if I could get control of the pain. But it may also
> have something to do with medications over the years. It is also possible
> that I cannot reach the level that I believe my colleagues expect.
> Whatever, it is getting more difficult to respond "just fine" to the
> question "how are things going" I know that there are people on this list
> who are in a much worse position than myself. However, it is some comfort
> to know that I am not alone in feeling incompetent.
>
> David.Hi David and Mushroo, Joellen here. Please sit down with your fellow
teachers and administration and explain to them what's happening. If
the situation goes on and you DO fail it will be so much harder for you.
If you try to explain to them what you have to go through just to get
through each day you may find they are more than willing to help you
outand understand when you have problems. I know that it's embarassing
(embarrassing?) to explain catheterization etc but these are facts of
life that many of us have to deal with. You not only have an obligation
to yourselves to make things as uncomplicated as possible but what of
the children you have to guide and educate? If you let yourself down
won't you be letting them down too? You are NOT incompetent, you have a
medical problem that complicates your life right now. Your collegues
may have ideas that will help you cope with life, you never know unless
you ask! Joellen