Thank-you for your kind response!
Let me re-phrase my statement: "I wonder HOW I'm going to teach another school
year."
I didn't mean whether I'll teach because I am determined to do so- its my life
and my favorite thing to do.
HOWEVER-
This past year, I have felt I have been "faking" competence! I am usually very
upbeat & enthusiastic. I usually do special projects and have won two awards-
The state Governor's award for teaching of Economics where I invented a toy
and had first graders produce and sell it and use the profits for bi-lingual
books for the local pediatrics unit of the hospital and the Disney's
Teacheriffic Award for a "Flying Carpet Beanbag company. In 4 weeks we
profitted enough to sponser eight foster children for Christmas gifts. It is
the reason I own a computer, because I was awarded cash for my personal use
and my school received moneys as well. This year it was all I could do to
scribble plans in my plan book and the paper work, meetings, planning and
conferences were overwhelming due to the fatigue. Bladder and bowel problems
have been very distracting- You can't just leave the kids to "go."
Co-workers are noticing that the great Idea person doesn't seem to have quite
so many exciting ideas much, and puzzle me with comments:" You look just fine-
are you sure you aren't just reacting to stress?"or look as if I'm making
excuses if I don't join them in after school fun.( I'm so tired I get scared I
can't drive safely and need to go home & sleep an hour so I can do plans or
relate a bit with my family before bed)
I do need to work all this out because this past year teaching took all my
strength. I absolutely LOVE being there with the kids and they loved the
school year and will be looping up to the next grade with me this fall. I'm
just scared my "incompetence" is showing and I'm a bit self conscious about
this whole thing. Thanks for making me smile with your comments, though!!!