Then there is the higher level of numbness that comes from sitting in
one position too long. What shall we call it? I sure as heck don't
know but I sure as heck feel it every day. This numbness (which makes
its presence known over the basic level of numbness) is a little bit
stronger. The toes and foot feel more solid. Try to wiggle your toes
and you can't feel them and that is an eerie feeling. Sometimes I
strain to feel my toes when I wiggle them but I cannot. If I look at my
feet, I see that my toes are still connected but, alas, they are numb
level two.
Then there is the ultimately highest level of numbness that comes when
you can walk and everyone thinks you are so lucky because you can walk
(and, of course, your are grateful, so very, very grateful - truly) -
but -- you feel like you are going to fall at any moment because at this
level of numbness your leg and feet act like they have a mind of their
own. And they do. You cannot FEEL anything except the numbness. Your
feet have learned how to walk again through some invention between them
and your brain and vibrations. You never know where they are, except
for this ultimately highest level of numbness. Stand up and the
numbness is rock hard. Your leg is rock hard. And when you first stand
it pushes you - literally pushes you. A vertical spasm! At this level
of numbness, your know where your toes are without looking because they
feel like a Charlie Horse! And they hurt. And sometimes you just want
to cry because the pain never stops and you don't know what change your
body is going to put you through next and you are supposed to be brave
and all that and you are always to remember that things could be worse
and people are worse off than you but sometimes - sometimes - you
really just get downright tired of the numbness and the pain.
But we keep on trucking! Right! We always remember - it could be worse!
Nora from Chicago