Other than that, how you doing: Dave
PS: Something read 'True Stories'!
FROM SAN FRANCISCO
It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
into the branch and wrote "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this
bag," on a deposit slip. While standing in line, waiting to give his
note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write
the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo
Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it, and surmising from his spelling errors
that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
could not accept his stick-up note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left the Wells Fargo
Bank. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police, who arrested the
man a few minutes later. He was waiting in line back at the Bank of
America!
LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked, fled &
left the chain still attached to the machine & their bumper (license
plate still attached).
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, made idle chatter at the
customs counter. The customs official thought it odd that the golfer
didn't know what a handicap was & asked the tourist to demonstrate his
swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found
in the golf bag.
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for
Western movies, got a call from a woman who wanted to have her husband
shot.
She was sentenced to four years.
DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in
damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. He provided the
court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more
years.
YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" His partner moved &
the startled first bandit shot him.
DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County was ticketed for driving alone in the carpool
lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in his mortuary van
should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.
THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The
bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come
forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.
LEARN YOUR LESSON
A woman charged with a traffic violation stated her occupation as
schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench, "Madam, I have waited
years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court. Now sit at that
table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred
times."
AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in
recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man convicted of five
robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001
years.
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defended a man accused of burglary with: "My client merely
inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge
replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one
year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.