> > Hi Joellen. I'm having a terrible time. I can't except being paralyzed.
I
> > wish I wouldn''t wake up in the morning. I just hope and pray (alot)
that
> I
> > may be in the group that recover and walk again. I'm scared beyond
belief
> > that this is it and I'm going to be like this permently! I wish you luck
!
> > Take care.
> > Bill
> Dietrich
Dear Bill,
Although I am not paralyzed -- maybe someone who is can better share with you
how he or she copes -- I think all of us have experienced that fear of "What
if this is it? What if it doesn't get any better and I have to live like this
the rest of my life?" When I was first diagnosed I was told something like,
"There is every possibility that you may recover completely or partially.
However, there is also a possibility that you might not recover." I remember
thinking, "Nope, that's not acceptable. I HAVE to recover." I have to some
degree, but not as much as I'd like. I've just passed the two year mark,
where some neurologists say the window of opportunity for improvement is
closed. I've been encouraged by some on the list who continue to improve even
after that two-year mark.
What I wanted to encourage you with was this: don't ever lose hope. It's your
best ally. Not necessarily the hope for recovery, though we all wish that for
you (and all of us), but the realization that EVEN IF there is no recovery,
there is still a purpose for your life, and, with God's help, you can find
that purpose and cope. For those who know Him, there is help and comfort in
knowing that there is a purpose to everything and that He is with us and will
help us. I do still struggle with the "why" of it all, but remind myself that
He has a reason, that He is good and trustworthy, no matter what the
circumstances, that this isn't a perfect world, that the time when there is
no sin, sickness, pain, etc., is in the future.
Some verses that have helped me:
Nahum 1:7* The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he
knoweth them that trust in him.
II Cor. 12: 9* And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my
strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather
glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10* Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in
necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am
weak, then am I strong.
John 3: 16* For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17* For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that
the world through him might be saved.
18* He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is
condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only
begotten Son of God.
19* And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and
men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
John 17:3* And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true
God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.
Isaiah 53: 4* Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet
we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5* But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our
iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes
we are healed.
6* All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own
way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Isaiah 41:0* Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am
thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold
thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
In addition, I have found, and others have said, it helps to concentrate on
what you have left and what you can do rather than what you've lost. Grieve
for it like you would any other loss, but then go on and find your new level
of what's normal for you. Jim Lubin, who started this list, is an example,
paralyzed and dependant on a respirator, yet he started this list and others
and other web pages that have been a great help to many. (Jim, hope you don't
mind being mentioned and used for an example. :)) You have some mission, some
purpose in life; God will help you find it and pursue it and will help you
with whatever you have to go through, if you let Him.
Wishing you all the best,
Barbara